He won!

When Nana was asking him what he would do if there were kids smaller than him who were getting bullied, he replied, "Take their lunch money. They've gotta pay taxes like everyone else." Yep, he really is all mine. He knows just how to push her buttons.

Also, I asked about the speeches. "Well, one girl's speech was really long and talked about the budget and a bunch of boring stuff, and the other girl's speech was also really long and talked about what qualities made a good president and how she possessed all those qualities."

"What was your speech?"

"I told them that 'if they voted for me, all their wildest dreams would come true.' I think it was about 45 seconds long."

Five

Yesterday
------------------------------------------

Today

*sniff*

Yep, He's mine all right.

Me: I saw so-and-so at the baseball game tonight. Does she still have a crush on you, Jack?

Jack: (groans) Mo-om!

Me: Do any other girls have crushes on you?

Jack: Of course! All the girls and half the boys are in love with me.

Memorial Day Weekend

It's been cuh-razy here, starting off with the graduation of my youngest babies from preschool. Including the part of the ceremony where Grace exited the bathroom with her dress tucked into her underwear. I saved the day before she went onstage, however, it was all for naught as she lifted her dress anyway. Marci and Mackenzie joined us for the event, and here are the kids at the beach the next day:

Saturday was the Memorial Day parade. I asked the marching politicians, from the curb, if they had any candy. When they said, "sorry!" My other sister, Kim, yelled, "looks like you just lost a vote!"

And here's my man and my boy marching with their team:

Sunday was the girls' birthday party. It was a fairy theme, and yes, I did make those cupcakes. Have I mentioned my obsession with cupcakes?

Here are the kids running for the fairy treasure hunt in the woods at the party:

Getting ready to bash in a fairy pinata. Buying the pinata was not the smartest choice. I think we made the forest fairies angry!

Olivia:

Grace:

Oh yes, and one of our new brood of baby chicks:

What goes around

Me: I don't know what's gotten into the girls lately! They are so obnoxious when we got to the store or the library or anywhere, and I'm trying to concentrate. They cackle and shriek and poke and laugh really, really loudly AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.

Mitch: Welcome to the world I've lived in for the past 13 years.

Still not sure what he meant by that....

Misc. (and chickens are gross)

We enjoyed a hot and sunny weekend. Unfortunately, a fair amount of that time was spent in ferry lines. Saturday, the three youngest and I went down to Seattle for a birthday party at a jumping place while Jack won his first soccer game of the season and helped Mitch build a chicken coop. I know! Chickens are gross! Then, on Sunday Mitch took the boys to the Mariner's while I cleaned the house and the girls messed the house. Mitch and I have decided we're done leaving the island for the summer, because ferry lines suck, and we're hermits now. Hey, at least we'll have eggs to eat. Did I mention that chickens are gross, though? I thought I did.

Today I was volunteering in Henry's classroom. There was a sub, and she was kind of a bitch. I'd heard about her before from Henry, who is a tender heart and cannot cope with being yelled at. I know! He's my kid, he should be used to it! But, I actually don't yell at Henry, because he responds really well to gentle directives and loses his shit if he gets yelled at (I do yell at everyone else, though). So, the kids are all filing back into the classroom after a morning with their reading groups. I notice Henry is not among them. Five minutes pass, and the kids have all gotten their snacks and books out. I step outside the classroom to see if I can find out where Henry is, and I see a bit of orange clothing peeking from around the corner. It's my boy, and he was crying his little eyes out, too scared to go back into the classroom where that yelling bitch was. I brought him back into the classroom, and said, nice and loudly to him, right in front of her, "I'm sure that the teacher isn't yelling at you specifically, she probably is just having a bad day." Then I gave her a look that hopefully said, "yell at my kid and I will cut you, bitch" and went over the days events with Henry, pointing out that he had lunch, recess, and music with a different teacher, so he should be fine. Poor little monkey.

Reading and stereotypes.

Something clicked, and Henry has found a love of reading. Thank you, Magic Treehouse books! He's been reading one chapter book a day, and I am pleased as punch. Meanwhile, there was a discussion at preschool about "girl" toys and "boy" toys, so the girls came home and decided they would try playing with "boy" toys and got out Henry's matchbox cars:

Nighty night, baby Matchbox cars! I hope you're cozy-wozy in your widdle beds and wake up comfy womfy.

Stuff and things.

• Olivia cut her hair. Now she has bangs. Real purty ones. My fault, I guess, because I forbade her from cutting the dog's hair ever again.
• Mitch is going to be late tonight. My car, which he drove to work, has a flat tire. It's pouring rain and he's parked in the mud, and we have AAA, but AAA is for pussies, so he's going to change the tire in the muddy rain.
• Henry got hit by an errant baseball and had to have his orthodontia reworked.
• After we painted and decorated our tv room, the kids have decided it's more fun to watch television in Jack's stinky, messy room on a 19" screen.
• Henry closed his bedroom door in order to keep the dog from eating his action figures. Unfortunately, the dog was under his bed when he did it. Nine hours later, we discovered said dog and a floor full of action figure body parts.
  

Mother's Day

I was dubious about how my mother's day would play out when I awoke to the wail of "WILL SOMEONE COME AND HELP ME WIPE MY BUTT?" Followed by a little barf. Also, Mitch was ticked off last night when I confessed that I had actually dropped my cute , expensive cell phone in the toilet rather than what I originally led him to believe, which was that he got it wet while doing dishes. But, he forgave me and Olivia felt great after she cleaned out her system, and there was breakfast in bed, including, but not limited to, bacon. The day turned golden at the involvement of bacon. And homemade cards and tulips picked from the garden.The girls kept themselves busy having an egg picnic (we love our eggs, here), and a wedding for the potato heads. Note the toilet paper scotch-taped to Mrs. Potato Head's, um, head. Also, you may have noticed that in nearly every picture of my daughters on this blog, they are wearing their pajamas. We're lazy and we like to be comfortable. I have no comment beyond that, really.
The kids all played and left me alone to garden all day. Mitch had made a lot of extra pancakes for breakfast, and any time a kid said they were hungry, he just pointed them to the stack of cold, leftover pancakes on the counter. An interesting method, but I had the day off, and wasn't about to offer anyone anything healthy, so there it was. Yum!
I would have to say it was my best Mother's day ever. I didn't have any grand expectations this year, but my day turned out so peaceful and relaxing. I am sitting here right now drinking a little champagne while my husband cooks Thai mussels and salmon. My kids are still in their pjs and I have dirt under my fingernails from weeding. Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there.

Elementary

I spend a lot of time in the elementary school here, volunteering and doing various things with Henry. More often than not, the girls are with me, and they know the school like the back of their hands. Today was their preschool field trip to the big school to see the kindergartens, and I didn't give it a second thought until their preschool teacher began discussing how big they were getting, and how proud they should be of themselves, etc. before we left preschool. I must have got some glitter in my eyes, because they sure leaked after that. The field trip was like seeing the elementary school for the first time. Both the girls and I were visibly nervous, and they held fast to each other, which was funny, because last year they walked into Henry's kindergarten every day like they owned the place. They got more confident as we walked through the school, even stopping by Henry's classroom, walking in, and yelling "Hi, Henry!" to him. It was a good field trip, but it wiped Olivia out and I had to carry her back to preschool.

When we got back, I got a call from the school on my cell phone. No, we didn't forget a four year-old. Henry got suddenly very, um, earache-ey? headache-ey? after he saw us walking though the school. I had no choice but to go back and assess him. He was so forlorn and miserable-looking that I took him home. I cancelled swim class, though, because if he's coming home sick, he sure as heck isn't going to have any fun. He sitting on his bed right now. Not having any fun. Dammit.

The girls have fallen asleep on the couch. The last time they took a nap in the middle of the day was a couple years ago. Either everyone is coming down with some sickness, or kindergarten is already kicking our ass.

Update: Henry made a miraculous recovery due to the loving ministrations of boredom and denial of screen. He asked if he could go back to school, but I said no, and gave him a heap of chores to do since he was feeling so great all of a sudden. Score one for moms.

Poop, sports, eggs, poop, shoes.

It's May and crazy. Baseball, soccer, a BIG birthday coming up, the end of school, swimming lessons, and regular stuff are keeping us busy. Certainly too busy to keep the house clean. Because normally, I keep it SPOTLESS. Henry has a big project at school. All the kids picked an animal and they're doing presentations on said animal at the end of the month. Henry picked gorillas for his animal, but he was having a hard time thinking of a hook, something the other kids would think was cool. That was until Google showed us a video of a gorilla eating his own poop.

I've never seen a kid have so much enthusiasm for school work.

He's loving baseball, and actually getting a lot of hits. The other day he asked me the difference between an Umpire and an Empire, and I came up with the lamest joke, but he hasn't stopped retelling it, because apparently, it's funny to a 7 year-old boy. The difference between an umpire and an empire? An umpire calls strikes and the Empire Strikes Back. I know, groaaaaaaaaan.

Jack is enjoying soccer. Last weekend, he volunteered to play with the opposing team, as they were short a few players and he scored the winning goal against his team. Bitter suh-weeeet. Also, he has decided he wants to build a chicken coop and start farming some organic eggs. I agreed under the caveat that I would not clean anything or have anything to do with the chickenshit. We all know how that rule worked out for me when we got a puppy a few years ago. But I do loves me some organic eggs.

The girls are busyplanning their flower fairy birthday party. Five years old already! Also, they are in dire need of shoes. I've ordered some online, and tried buying some, but they are so freaking picky about wanting their shoes to be snug, that I keep having to send them back. One of the things about living on an island that drives me crazy. Limited shoe options. Olivia has taken to wearing an old green pair of Jack's hiking boots everywhere she goes. They look great with all her pink dresses. Grace just keeps cramming her feet into her old pink shoes, because Olivia's old shoes, which would actually fit Grace, are blue and green, and that would never coordinate with her wardrobe. She has learned the old rule of beauty being painful sometimes at a very early age. I'm tearing up now.

Yee. Haw.

I have a new favorite show. I was up until 1:30 this morning watching a marathon. It's called My Big Redneck Wedding. Who knew they made camouflage-maternity-wedding gowns? And pretty much every wedding ends with a mudfight and everyone drives ATV's to the ceremony. My favorite scene was a bachelor party in which all the groomsmen and the groom threw bottle rockets at each other at close range in the dark. It's almost too much awesomeness for me to behold.

Seeing red

The tv room. It's 2pm, and yes, my daughters are still in their pj's. I consider it a head start on getting ready for bed tonight. I'm an economizer of time. Too red, do you think? I haven't decided, but since I'm in there maybe 10 minutes a day, what do I care?

Tiptoeing through the tulips.

Why, yes. We are giant dorks. That's how we like it.

As American as....

There's just something so stinking cute about baseball and little boys. It makes me all warm and fuzzy. And then, when he gets home, he's always hollerin' for eggs. Because eggs are what tough guy baseball players eat when they're done with a game.
When we were on our way home, I asked the girls if they had fun at Henry's baseball game. "Henry was playing baseball?" Sez Grace. Sigh. I wish I was making this up. That's their friend Morgan on the left. She could be one of mine.

Two rides.

Yesterday our preschool went on a field trip to the fire station. I left my camera at the school, and it's very unfortunate, because I would have really liked to have pictures of the uh, fireman firestation. All the moms eagerly volunteered to be strapped into the board, but alas, I was at the back and wasn't picked. The moms agreed that it was our best field trip yet. Then the firemen drove us back to preschool, riding on top of the hoses, down Main Street with the lights and sirens blaring.

Today I took the girls to Burlington because I had to make a dreaded, long-overdue trip to Costco. It's about 75 minutes from our house, and usually I bring a movie for the girls to keep their car-sickness prone eyes trained up to the screen, but I forgot. Aaaaaaaaand I'm sure you know where this is going.

They lasted until we were pulling into our driveway. Another 30 seconds and I would have been home free. I felt the splat against the back of my seat just as I was pulling the key out of the ignition. A little sympathy barf to go with it, and we were golden. But luckily! It was Mitch's car.

He let me use it so the girls could watch a movie on the long drive.

He survived.

Coming into the bay (he's the blondie in the blue and yellow vest)

My cutie McCutiepants arrived safely home yesterday. He had perma-grin for at least an hour, maybe more, until he remembered that he's an adolescent, and has to be sullen and put-out. They camped both nights on the uninhabited James Island, and apparently all the kids had free reign of the island, a la Lord of the Flies. I'm pretty much positive there was no teeth brushing, let alone Purelling of hands, but I'm willing to just let go of that. The rest of the family is mostly happy to have him home because they no longer had to listen to me saying things like, "I wonder what Jackie is doing. Do you think he's cold (or hungry, wet, lonely, etc.)?"

We spent most of the weekend painting. One coat of primer, three coats of REDREDRED in the tv room. It's a good thing we don't work on projects together too often, because I'm not sure our marriage could take it, and that's all I'm sayin' about that.

We also discovered that all six of us enjoy buffalo burgers last night, as Gary and Bernetta had us all over for dinner and mojitos. But not the kids, of course. No mojitos for them. They did get to bury a dead bird, which appeared to have been the highlight of the weekend for Henry.

Anddddd, he's off.

Mitch climbed up here (Deception Pass bridge) to wait for Jack's ship to go under so he could get a picture.
That's my firstborn, can you see him? By the cabin in the red hat. I wonder if he's cold or missing his mama. More importantly, Where do they poop?

Big Boy Trip

Tomorrow, I'm packing my boy off with 14 middle schoolers and four chaperones for three days on a 52 foot historic sailboat, so he can learn to sail, camp on various small islands, and come home stinky. One reason I love it here~ the cost of this trip? 25 bucks for food. It'll be a long weekend without him, because I'll have no one to laugh at my jokes. And I'll have to unload the dishwasher by myself, and no one will be too cool for cuddling. Also, after about 12 hours, the dog will stand by the window and whine until he gets home. That's real annoying.

Honey Bucket

Tonight was Henry's first baseball game. Well, second, really, but the first one was snowed out. Ahem. Anyway, it was a great game. The sun was finally out and all the kids seemed to be having a very good time. At one point, Grace had to use the bathroom, so I had to take her to the dreaded Honey Bucket. Now, I have a real problem with germs. I know! How can this be with four kids, and living in the country, too? But, it is what it is.

Olivia came with us, and while I was helping Grace (that is, making sure none of her bare skin touched ANYTHING), I told Olivia to wash her hands. I was holding out my Purell to her (Yes, I keep hand sanitizer in my pocket. Shut up.), but paying attention to Grace. I turned around to see why she wasn't taking the Purell, and there was Olivia, scrubbing her hands with the dirty urinal cake.

I passed out cold.