Dinner conversation

Kate: Grace, what was the best thing and the worst thing about your day today?

Grace: We played volleyball in PE. It was fun.

Henry: Did you make a goal?

Jack (laughing): It's not called making a goal, Henry!

Olivia: Yeah, it's called making a basket.

Grace: The worst thing was that Olivia was really mean to me in PE.

Kate: Is that true Olivia?

Olivia: Yes. Can I have some more mashed potatoes?

Finding your kids' currency

I have lots of pics of our weekend to post tomorrow, but I just wanted to say that I am so incredibly awesome. Jack's room was getting filthy. Beyond filthy. I've asked him repeatedly to clean it himself and he comes up with all these ridiculous reasons why cleaning is redundant, unnecessary, and interferes with his homework (as if he ever actually did homework). So! I just finished vacuuming his room and am taking ten bucks out of his allowance for a cleaning fee. Guess who's going to start cleaning his own room now?

A dumb, weird day

I spent my morning counting thousands of stupid box tops for the school, then picked up the girls for swimming lessons. They are learning to dive, and they love it, so that was a good part of my day.

Now, I'm not sure if I've mentioned it or not, but I HATE Wal-mart. Oh, I have mentioned it? Well, nothing's changed. I had to go in there today to buy some Halloween cupcake things for the kids' parties at school. While I was staring intently at the piles of orange and black crap, Olivia said, "Mommy, Grace hit me!"

"No, I didn't!" Grace said. I wasn't even going to respond, because I knew Grace wouldn't be crazy enough to engage in combat with a bonafide Tasmanian Devil. Anway, this woman, a complete stranger, came up to Grace and started wagging her finger in Grace's face and telling her not to be a liar. Grace was in tears before Olivia came clean and said Grace only pretended to hit her. I told the lady to back off, threw the damn cupcake liners back on the shelf and left. Effing Walmart.

On the way home, my cell phone rang.

"Mom?" I could tell it wasn't good news.

"Yes, Jack?"

"I've got detention, so you'll have to pick me up today." Wha, wha, what? It turns out that all he's been doing in school for the past two months is twiddling his thumbs because he worked ahead last year and now is completely bored. So he's started acting up. The last and only other time Jack's been in trouble in school was back in kindergarten when he arrived late, couldn't find his teacher, so he just decided to walk home.

Stupid day.

A glimpse inside Grace's head

"Mommy, I really want to have some friends from my school over. They don't believe I live in a palace."

"Well, that sounds great, I'll just have to get their phone num.....what do you mean, they don't believe you live in a palace? You don't live in a palace."

"Well, I mean, it looks like a palace, but they don't believe me."

"What about our house makes it look like a palace?"

"You know, the things on the outside and the pond. It looks like the thingie the handsome prince has to ride over with alligators in it."

"Well, Grace, do you think a handsome prince is going to ride his horse past our water feature and up our front porch to rescue you from your life of misery?"

"No, Daddy would shoot him."

Forty one

One of these sleeping beauties is 41 years old today. And not in dog years, either. I honestly don't know how he puts up with me, but he does, and I feel pretty lucky. Happy Birthday, light of my life. When are you going to finish the floors exactly?

Laborers for hire

Will work for goldfish crackers

The Chicks Next Door

A short time after we moved here, Jack and Mitch began pestering me to agree to getting some chickens. "No, they stink." I said.

The next summer, we had six baby chicks. They grew into big fat hens, and you know what? They stink.

Next, Mitch and Jack decided we needed a rooster so they chickens would be motivated to lay more eggs, because nothing motivates a girl to have babies like having a guy bossing her around. "No, they make too much noise," I said.

Yesterday was a big day for our chickens. One of the hens laid our first egg. Yay! Sadly, though, a hawk got one of the hens. Boo! That evening, Mitch brought home a rooster donated by his assistant and chicken goddess, Linda. And he's cute. Yay!

Henry named him Hef. Yeah, like that Hef.

But he makes too much noise.

First apartment

I've been trying to clear out two main floor rooms so we can begin the task of installing new flooring. Yesterday, I put the girls' kitchen center and little table in their room, and set it up like a little studio apartment. I had visions of them inviting me in for a tea party. They squealed with delight when they saw it, shut the door on me, and I haven't seen them come out since.

*sniff*

My Triangle

Not to mention the hypotenuse...

Hick Weekend

I harvested the last of my vegetables from the garden and we moved the chicken coop to it, so they could clean it up and poop everywhere. Next year, we'll have delicious, chicken poop-covered veggies. The chickens were so excited by the bounty that they were running around like, well, themselves with their heads cut off. There is no end to the fun to be had here in Coupeville.

Yesterday we did the annual trip to the pumpkin patch. A good time was had by all.

Why I pink puffy heart Sesame Street

Dog poop and chickens

So, I got a new pair of shoes. I wish the story ended there, but of course it doesn't. We were in a rush to get out the door for school this morning, and the only shoes I could find were my new ones, which really didn't look great with the sweats I was wearing, but who am I trying to impress, anyway? As the girls were loading into the car, I noticed the chickens making a lot of racket. Every instinct in my body was screaming to just ignore them and get into the car, but of course, I went to see what the problem was. It turns out that SOMEONE forgot to feed and water them yesterday because he was too busy not doing his homework, and they were freaking out. Henry and I were rushing to take care of them without getting to school late, and in my haste, I stepped squarely into a giant pile of dog shit. So, at least my new shoes go better with my sweats now.

Popcorn, anyone?

When our country is on the brink of financial ruin, what do smart people do? Refinance their house so they can do some remodeling, that's what. Because nothing says Depression like new cherry floors, stainless steel appliances, and Corian countertops (granite emits radon now, adding to the long list of Things That Can Kill You or at least Cause Kate to Lie Awake Obsessing About night after night). We couldn't configure two ovens into the kitchen without removing a wall and spending six months under construction, a prospect that made my eyeball twitch, so the compromise was a convection microwave. At three times the cost of a regular microwave, this caused my long-suffering curmudgeon of a husband no end of grumbling. But! I can cook three pizzas at once! In theory, anyway. After a lot of trial and tribulation, the micro-oven was finally installed late into night. I awoke the next morning at 5:30, anxious to try out this fancy new oven. I cooked one tray of cupcakes in the old oven, and one in the convection microwave. I didn't need to read the directions or anything, because, hello? Cupcakes? I can make them in my sleep. The billion dollar oven cupcakes are on the left, in case you can't tell.








And.......








Drumroll, please.........





At least the new microwave makes a mean bag of popcorn. And it's shiny. Pay no attention to the bottom right corner of the picture.

Tea Party

We've decided not to have a Halloween bash this year, what with all the home remodeling projects we have going on and just being tired in general, but Mitch opened up the Halloween decoration boxes and let the kids have at it. I don't think he's ever been prouder when he saw this adorable creation Olivia set up by herself. A skeleton tea party! Complete with a baby skeleton. How cute is that? Sooo cute.

Misc.

I don't post for a week, and then two posts in one day. It's feast or famine, here. I've felt completely overwhelmed this week with a sick kid, the stupid PTA and their stupid box tops that I'm in charge of, soccer in the howling, freezing winds, and a lot of other things that I can't think of right now, but you can bet that they're equally annoying. My house looks like a bomb went off in it and half my kitchen appliances have been removed to make way for the new ones. Some of which aren't even here yet. Mitch just told me we're having his entire family for dinner tomorrow night. I hope they like whatever they're getting on my non-existent appliances. I've heard you can poach salmon in the dishwasher! Whatever, I'm so happy that my girl isn't going to be permanently deaf that nothing is bad news right now. Except our retirement accounts, but isn't everybody's? I can just be grateful that we tend to put most of our eggs in the real estate basket. Oh, wait... Also, I have a huge mosquito bite right in the middle of my forhead that looks like a mutant boil. So, so pretty. Ramble much?

Henry has actually become quite the little soccer player. Only, he's a foot taller than all the other kids, so I guess he isn't "little". This is the first season he's ever played a sport where he wasn't daydreaming in the outfield. Snack is still his favorite, though, and he still cries harder than the kids he accidentally kicks (out of guilt). He's also loving school this year, which makes me want to piss myself with happiness after last year. He's even started riding the bus again. Sometimes, I spy on him at recess when I come to pick up the girls from kindergarten. I'm amazed that he's running around in a pack of boys, pushing each other and having fun.

Grace spent the week at school without her other half, and has done amazingly well. The bully hasn't bothered her at all. Nana had the wonderful idea that since Grace had such a gentle nature, she should look into the bully's eyes the next time he pulled something with her, put her hand on his arm, and say, "Please stop that. I don't like it." She did it last Friday, and not only did the bully stop AND apologize, but now she has him sharpening her pencils. Oy.

Jack is at the age where he thinks we suck, and we force him to be respectful or we'll take his bedroom door, so that's been fun for me. I just carry around a screwdriver and do really embarrassing things, daring him to mouth off at me. There's a new kid at his school who is apparently giving him a run for his money in the academics department, and Jack's actually been cracking his books this year. He's also taken Henry under his wing and teaching him the Ways of the Tightwad.

Olivia just walks around saying, "I can't hear you." Before anyone has even said anything.

Ears.

I've spent this week home with a sick, feverish kid. When I asked Olivia if her ears hurt, she said no. Today she woke up pretty much completely deaf. Dr. Google said it might be meningitis or worse, so we took her right in, thoughts of teaching the family sign language, hearing aids, etc., churning through my mind. Turns out she has about the worst ear infection the doc has seen. In both ears. He asked her if they hurt.

"What?" is what she said. Of course. She'll likely not be able to hear well for a few weeks, which is a problem for her twin sister, who really LIKES TO BE HEARD.