Meet Toro! The newest member of our family. Both father and baby are doing fine. Dad has that new-father glow, almost as if he has vaseline on his teeth. Are those headlights on Baby Toro, you ask? Why yes, they are, because it's dark outside, and Papa and Baby cannot be separated by something as insignificant as daylight. This is as close as I could get when taking the newborn's photo, because Papa is very protective of the little guy and as soon as I got too close, he turned and went the other way, for fear I would try and take a turn with the little guy. Papa lovingly let Toro fill his diaper with grass clippings, then backed him into the woods to the compost pile to empty him out, only to sail triumphantly back out onto the lawn. Toro's four brothers and sisters had their sad little noses pressed to the windowpane as they watched their once attentive father focus all his love and affections on their new sibling. But I'm sure he'll come back to us, his original family. Maybe when it snows.

Gettin' Clean

Last night, H had a sheaf of papers in his hand, and he asked me if we could go to town tomorrow. "Sure," I said, busy getting everyone into bed and not really paying much attention. This morning, he got dressed early and said he was ready to go to town, sheaf of papers still in hand.

Me: "What do you have there, H?"

H: "Posters."

Me: "Let's have a look." So they were posters with drawings of money on them. H had also written all over them, PLEEZ GIV SOME MONY TO A NISE KID with his name on it and an envelope stapled to the bottom. I'm pretty much dying by this point, but still trying to keep it together and not laugh outright . We have a talk about asking people for money without working for it, and how just being a nice kid isn't reason enough for people to pay you.

H: "Well, I guess people can make up their own minds if they want to give me money or not. I really want to get those Spiderman 3 action figures and the ten bucks you give me for my allowance isn't enough."

I cannot wait to see how this kid ends up making a living.

All four kids went to the dentist this morning for their check-ups. In a complete switch of character, O was brave and G was shy. The dentist was complimenting them on none of them ever having had cavities and J grumbled, "our mom and dad said if we don't take good care of our teeth, then WE have to pay the copay for our fillings." Then H piped up, "yeah, AND we're not allowed to have fruit snacks or anything really good." Not true! They eat ice cream all the time. And cookies. Whiners.

When we lived in Seattle, M would attend monthly Seattle School Board meetings, which would typically run very late. Since we moved to Whidbey, though, the Oak Harbor school board meetings usually get over in time for him to be home for dinner, so when he hadn't arrived home by 10 pm last night, I was beside myself. He did tell me he had a board mtg., but of course he didn't answer his cell phone. I thought I was over that "accident panic". Poor guy. He walked in the door to my stream of profanities and tears. He did feel guilty enough to finally give the cat a flea treatment but he'd better buy me a present, too.

Also, last week I rearranged the framed photos again, to his specifications, but didn't say anything for a few days.

Me: "I really don't know what you have against the way I hung these pictures."

M: "Like I said, the composition between the light fixture, the stairs, and the....hmmm. Actually, they're just fine. Sorry I said anything."

If he reads this, he definitely won't buy me a present.

Today the girls spent the whole afternoon playing their new favorite game: "Maternity Ward". They set up cots and lay down in them, holding their newborn dolls and chatting about baby care. Occasionally one gets up to be the nurse. As I'm going about the house, I pop my head in their 'hospital' room and notice they each only had one baby.

Me: "How come neither one of you has twins?"

O: "That's too much work."

G: "Yeah, and they make too many messes."

Me: "Hmmmmm."

Sunday was beautiful here. We wrestled H out of his lime green toga (his latest persona) and went hiking at Fort Ebey State Park, just up the road. We ended up at a gorgeous beach, where we watched surfers (brrrr!) and H and J played "teeter totter" on giant logs. Of course I forgot my camera. We were halfway back up to the car when O realized she had left her ever-present toy horsie on a log, so back she and Daddy went to get it. M tried to talk her out of going back by saying he'd buy her a new one, and as any parent knows, that just doesn't work. I actually started laughing when he tried that. Then we went to the Alpaca Farm in Greenbank, which the kids really liked. M and I were looking longingly at the wine tasting room they have there, but alas, no kids allowed. Home to our own wine tasting and the kids went outside to play with the coyotes.

http://www.parks.wa.gov/parkpage.asp?selectedpark=Fort%20Ebey

Run! There's a coyote after you!

A few days ago J came in from his daily "exploring" in the woods, breathless and excited. " I saw a coyote, mom! It ran away when it saw me." Of course I completely freaked out and banned all children from ever stepping foot outside again. I asked myself WWMD? (What Would Ma Do) If this was Little House on the Prairie, Pa would simply get his rifle and shoot the thing and they'd probably make coyote stew. That wasn't an option, though, because they only weapons we have are light sabers. I called the Dept. of Fish and Wildlife for advice, and learned that WA voters have apparently made it illegal to trap coyotes. They did say it was completely safe for J to be out in the woods, as there has never been an attack on a human by a coyote in our state. I'm so conflicted, because we bought this property basically for the kids to explore. So, I'm considering getting a big dog, because the DFW guy suggested it, if only to make myself feel safer. I will probably change my mind a few more times about it, though. He also said coyotes hate noise, so that works in our favor too. I also learned that downtown Seattle is currently overrun with coyotes that sleep under the viaduct and roam the streets at night. Weird!

In other news, H has been reading the Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing series, in which a kid carries around a bottle of Monster Spray. Henry thought this was a great idea, and he put in an order for an industrial spray bottle from Home Depot. We filled it with water, and added a few drops of extremely rare, expensive monster repellent to it (brown bottle of vanilla extract with Mr. Yuk stickers on it). Every day he goes outside and sprays the perimeter of the house, sprays under his bed, and under the crack of his closet door. He also sprays the handles of his bedroom door and closet. Last night, I was in the kids' bathroom, peeing without the lights on so I wouldn't wake them when I got pelted with a stream of cold monster spray. H was delighted to discover it was me and that he got me right in the face. Too bad I don't have a bottle of extremely expensive and rare coyote repellent.

Poor Seamus. We took him to the vet to have his sore spot looked at, and it turns out he has a skin condition that primarily affects Wheaten Terriers. The vet shaved his back, so he looks very goofy, he had 3 shots (vaccinations) on top of that, has to be force-fed antibiotics, and has to have a new kind of dog food which is outrageously expensive. When we got home, his new electronic fence collar had finally come from UPS. I set it to medium shock, and fastened it on him, fully expecting him to run right through the barrier like usual. HOLY MOTHER! As soon as he crossed the border he jumped so high, he got like 3 feet of air. I can't begin to describe the sound he made as he ran into the house. Now J won't speak to me because I "tried to kill his dog".

I was a little early for preschool today, so I decided to do the coffee run for the moms before I got there. No problem that I didn't know the coffee orders. I just told the shop owner who the moms were and she knew their drinks off the top of her head. Coupeville!

At school we had a music specialist come with a lot of instruments for the kids to try out. My ultra-shy O took one look at her pile, grabbed four drums of different sizes and set them up in a semi-circle around herself. Then she proceeded to rock out like Tommy Lee, oblivious to everyone around her. I wonder if they make electronic drumkits with headphones. I'll have to look into it. By the time G was done rummaging through the pile for the "prettiest" instrument, the class was almost over. She finally picked out a triangle, but tied a hot pink scarf to it to make it prettier. Then, when she got the bow just how she wanted it, the class was definitely over.

Ruby Brown was out last night and we heard a terrible noise and banging. M was sure she'd been grabbed by an owl or coyote. I was unable to sleep all night, because of course she wouldn't come in when I called. Lo and behold, a very grumpy M let her in this morning. "I woke up so optimistic, too," he said. I was surprisingly relieved to see Her Scabbiness.

Last night was our preschool dessert auction. I went to the restaurant to pick up the dessert they had donated, and there was a sign on the door saying they were closed due to illness. What? I was responsible for providing a dessert that had to be at the Rec. Hall in an hour. I didn't have time to make anything, so I went to the Prairie Center (the local grocery store) and got an Irish cream pie. It didn't look good at all, but it was all they had. I had just enough time to go home and put chocolate shavings on it. Still didn't look great, but oh well. We dropped off the dessert, then went out to dinner with M's boss and his lovely wife. We had a great time, with the excellent combination of good food, wine, and service. The auction began with fabulous desserts going for about 40-50$. I didn't think anyone would bid on my crappy Prairie Center pie. We got a delish Oreo cheesecake for 80 bucks (remembering that this is a charity event), then all the desserts were gone but mine, which was the last to be auctioned. It went for a record $100!!! Not bad for something that cost me $5.99...never underestimate the power of one-upmanship.

M used the coyote in the yard yesterday as ammunition to try and get me to agree to another dog. "A bigger dog could protect the kids!" Because I hear coyotes love to eat fair-haired toddlers. I was almost convinced, and I meditated for a sign that another dog would be the right thing for our family. This morning I woke up and Seamus had peed on J's bedroom floor, and had an oozing sore on his back. There were also tufts of dog hair around the house and he had chewed up a plastic princess shoe. I would call that a sign...

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?" The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken." The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?" "Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

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One night I was chatting with my Mum about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a penny, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

(This isn't really an Irish joke, but it pretty much sums up the evolution of my own parenting style.)

We've seen owls, eagles and falcons, deer, rabbits and lots of little critters. This is what was in our front yard this morning.

"Quick, go get the cat, he looks hungry!"

We go through this every day. O hugs and kisses Dad goodbye. He gets in his car, she cries and has to go out and hug him goodbye again. Then, after he pulls away, she thinks of all the things she forgot to say to him, and cries some more. She sits by the window, saying, "I wish Daddy didn't have to go to work all the time," all the while shooting me looks of death as if it's somehow my fault.

Hey, somebody has to sit around eating bonbons...

According to my daughers, this is what their room would look like in a perfect world. When they saw this photo, they were very indignant that they only had a handful of ponies.

M get's trumped! Grandpa had a little melanoma removed (prognosis good!). I shrunk this picture a lot to make it a little easier on the eyes. My sisters call him Mr. Melanoma Head.

M: Great, now he has something to lord over me. A better scar.

H: AWESOME! He looks like a pirate.

O: That hurted. But he still looks like Grandpa and I like him a lot.

G: What did he do that was naughty?

No wonder they never eat the pizza after it's made. In this photo O has 9 pieces of pepperoni in her mouth. I had gone out to the garage to get some wine and when I came back, G had picked all the cheese off the pizza and stuffed it in her mouth.

On Saturday J woke at 4 am, excited to see his good friend Dylan after many months. I put on my jeans and we drove down to Seattle to pick him up after running a few errands. We were home by lunchtime, and after we settled in I called the kids to lunch. Dylan gave me a sorrowful look. "Are you sick?" he asked.

After exchanging puzzled looks, Mitch figured out what he was talking about.

"No, Dylan, Kate always wears pajamas when she's at home."

After spending 20 minutes negotiating with G about accessories and outfits for the day, including her needing her nails polished, I gave her and O a little lecture on "natural beauty".

Me: "Natural Beauty is when you have a kind heart and personality. You don't need fancy accessories or nail polish or sparkles, because the beauty you were born with shines through."

O: "That sounds good."

G: "Why would anyone want to be a Natural Beauty? I don't want to be a Natural Beauty. I want sparkly things and make-up. Olivia, you can be a Natural Beauty, and I'll be a Fancy Beauty."

M: "I was talking to some people today. We could get a rescue horse for the girls and it would cost next to nothing to build a little stable for it. blahblahhorsesogreatforhtekidsblahblah."

Kate: "If you get a horse I'm getting a lawyer."

Needless to say, we will NOT be getting a horse.

I started this blog to keep family and friends informed about the goings on in our little corner of the world, but I would love little updates about your families. I only JUST found out that my nephew Dillon snuck out of the house a few weeks ago, complete with shoving things under his covers to make it look like he was sleeping. And that his sister, the adorable Mackenzie, had her first confession and couldn't think of anything bad to confess, so she stole her cousin Anthony's antics and used them as her own for the priest. I don't even know what these antics were, KIM....

Having two identical cowgirl shirts has made my life so much easier. Now, if O MUST get out of her pajamas, she has something to wear. On top anyway. Despite the fact that she eats something every waking hour, she's too skinny for all the pants that are long enough for her. If I had one vanity-inspired wish for myself, that would be it. I might even wear regular clothes every day instead of pjs. Or not.

Wednesday I met M at Home Depot to pick out light fixtures for our bathroom to replace the brass movie star lights. By the time we walked out of there, he had me convinced we needed to gut the entire bathroom and start from scratch, despite the fact that this house is only 10 years old. What the @#$%&*? I have since come to my senses and will be ordering some new lights online so he doesn't blindside me again. Last night he started getting excited about building the boys a treehouse, and as long as I can keep that enthusiasm outside, I'll be happy.

A few days a week H has to ride the kindergarten bus to school. He doesn't like it, because it takes about 45 minutes to pick up all the kindergarteners, and he's first on, so it's a very long trip. I asked him to describe the trip to me.

H: "Well, it's boring. You can't play with any toys from home, and when we get to school, we have to stay in our seats until the bus driver wakes all the kids up, which takes a long time because most of the kids are asleep."

That does sound boring.

My Lucky Day

My lucky day started by trying to shock myself with the dog's electronic fence collar. The damn dog runs right through the so-called electronic fence every day. Out of frustration, I held the thing against my wrist. You test baby bottles there, I figured it'd be a good place to try it out. Nothing happened. I turned it all the way up, still nothing happened. I called the manufacturer and she had me do a few things, and it turns out, the thing was defective and NEVER worked, so they're sending me a new one. Also, this means my dog isn't retarded. Lucky!

I ordered three pairs of shoes online yesterday. One for me and one for each of the boys. We love KEENs shoes, because they're waterproof, easy on and off, and comfy, and we tried out a new website. I guessed wildly at the shoe sizes for the boys. They arrived TODAY! Less than 24 hours after I ordered them, and all shoes fit perfectly, with a little grow room for the boys. Lucky!

I went to the doctor, because after almost 4 months of burning, excruciating pain in my hip (bursitis, I know I will get AARP jokes out of this), and not being able to sleep, I just couldn't take it anymore. I got a nice big shot of steroids in my hip, and voila! I feel like a young lady of 38! Lucky!

I am required to make a fancy dessert for a dessert auction our preschool is having next weekend. I don't feel like slaving away just so some damn kids can have scholarships, so I called a chic restaurant to see if I could order one for the event, and they are donating one for free! Lucky!

I went downtown to get a latte, got a free chocolate covered espresso bean, and DIDN'T see the Catman. LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!

I told M to buy a lottery ticket on his way home tonight. We'll see if my luck holds out.

Today at circle time during preschool:

G raises her hand.

Miss Tami: "Yes, G...?"

G: "Miss Tami, I got a big owie on my hand from my closet door. See it?"

Miss Tami: "Ouch, G... that looks like it really hurt!"

G: "Well, it did, but Daddy put my hand on his cold beer so it would feel better."

Yes, I think our family is really creating a niche for ourselves here in Coupeville.

Coupeville first aid:

G shut her hand in her bi-fold closet doors, making a very red line on her hand. M's solution? He had her keep her hand on his cold glass of beer. Except when he was taking a sip of it, of course. See ya at the trailer park!

Today was a busy day. J had the Whidbey Chess tournament this morning, and he handily won all his games, which I think helped ease the sting of missing "praline" in the spelling bee. Then we went to the Penn Cove Mussel Festival downtown, where we ate lots of mussels and went on a boat tour of the mussel farm, which was really interesting. There were about 8 sea lions resting on the mussel rafts. Then we went to the Ice Cream Shop which was finally open. G picked pink ice cream to match her dress. H gave J a long, shit-eating grin and ordered "PRALINE ICE CREAM PLEASE!" When we were outside, H offered J a taste. J took a lick. "Tastes like defeat," he said.

The girls had the tooth fairy come to their preschool today. She was full-on fairy-fied, too. Huge pink, glittery gossamer gown with layers and layers of ruffles and rhinestones, crown, wand, little purse full of fairy dust. She was there to talk about dental hygeine.

Kid 1: "I have a loose tooth!"

Kid 2: "My brother lost 6 teeth already!"

G: "Where did you get your gown?"

Kid 3: "My mom had a cavity."

G: "Where did you get your shoes?"

Kid 4: "I brush my teeth every day by myself."

G: "Where did you get your tiara?"

Kid 2 again: "My brother got 2 dollars from you!"

G: "Do they make those dresses for 3-year old girls?"