Monday night was terrible. The jets started flying at 10pm and didn't stop until 2am. The "sound of freedom" as they call it, turned into the sound of cursing. I'd never heard them at night before. However, Tuesday was a beautiful morning and the kids and I had a little list of errands and doctor's appointments up in Oak Harbor. We had to get some bubble wands, glue, and fish food, so, yes, we went to Walmart. Where someone made the cruelest comment I've ever received. We were in the checkout line and the girl behind the register said to the twins, "Are you girls having a good time with your Nana today?" Stunned silence by the five of us. Yes, by Walmart's standards I could be a grandmother at 38, but I was momentarily paralized by mortification. Jack was sweet all the way out to the car, "Mom, you were carded at Safeway just a few days ago when you were buying wine! You look really young, mom!" Bless his heart. Henry thought it was hilarious, and the girls were all, "Nana's not even coming for a few weeks, why is mommy turning green?" I was so upset I didn't even want to put it on my blog, but Mitch said, "of course you have to put that on your blog. You put every embarrassing detail of our lives on there. If you don't, I'm going to start a blog of my own and call it 'Kate'sShame.com'."

Next stop, the orthodontist. Once upon a time, a girl with an underbite fell in love with a boy with an overbite and they got married. They foolishly thought their children would have perfect bites because their dental defects would surely cancel each other out. The orthodontist looked in Jack's mouth and when he looked up at me, I saw happy little dollar signs in his pupils. Overbite! Then, he looked in Henry's mouth, and I saw a second home in Hawaii reflected in his pupils. Underbite! Years of orthodontics! Yay for us! I broke it to the kids on the way out that we would not be going to Disneyland this winter after all. They were very, very sweet about it, so I took them out for lunch where Jack ate two burgers, a shake, and two curly fries. Eat me out of house and home with those terrible teeth of yours, mister.

On to Jack's doctor appointment. He had seven warts frozen off, and the poor kid was stoic--not a tear shed, which is lucky because I had my hands full with Grace crying every time the doc put the sizzling liquid nitrogen on Jack's skin. Again, Henry was quite thrilled to witness the horror. On the way home, Mitch called from the 2-hour long ferry line to get the orthodontic report, so between the traffic, our impending financial disaster, and 3 hours' sleep, he was a wee bit grumpy when he got home. Still, the kids had been so good all day that he agreed to take them to the fireworks.

They do small-town fireworks here on the night before the Fourth of July, and I must say it's a fantastic idea. It's 7:20am right now and everyone is still upstairs sawing logs. The kids loved the fireworks, and they all stayed awake but Grace, who gave up just before it was over. There was music and food and all kinds of kid stuff. I felt like I was in a movie about a small town in which dancing isn't allowed, but a city kid comes in and starts his own dance and sets the town on fire with his awesome tunes and dancing. But I digress. Also, we've decided to change Henry's name to Kramer, for his gift of falling ass-backwards into a pile of money without working for it. Some nice woman in front of us gave Kramer $3.00 to watch her blanket while she went and got some food. Jack was indignant, but since he was too busy looking too cool to be under a blanket, he missed his opportunity. About five minutes after the woman left, though, Henry/Kramer started whining, "oh, when is she going to get back here?" like watching a blanket is. such. hard. work. It was a long walk back to the car, what with my bursitis, my bunions, and my walker catching on the uneven trail. Grandmother indeed.