So we're having a housewarming party this weekend, and we've been trying to get ready, but not too ready. Meaning, cleaning this house is like trying to shovel the sidewalk during a snowstorm. Fortunately, I have two boys who like to keep things neat, so their rooms are generally clean. If I could just figure out a way to neutralize that shaggy dog and two-ten-year-old boys sleepover smell in the corner bedroom...

I have a bunch of photos (even from before we moved to Shoreline, where they never even got unpacked) that I've been wanting to arrange and hang. My two choices: ask M, the handyman, to do it, or do it myself. M would be happy to do it, and he would go out to the garage, pore through six boxes looking for his laser level, find some old comic books, read them, stop for a snack from the food storage area, remember he wanted to set up his surround sound, and "Oh look, here's some extra speaker wire!" Then, he'd carefully put the photos into the new frames, making sure each one was centered on the mat with some damn tape that doesn't age or some crap like that. He'd get out his laser level, his measuring tape, and a pencil, measuring each individual frame so that it had the EXACT same space between the next frame. He'd hang a drywall screw, and a picture hanger, so no acts of God or child could make the frame fall. One frame I wanted to keep was broken, and for the last year he's been meaning to fix it, but it "required a trip to Home Depot and some vise grips". He would also make sure the frames were a solid hardwood, not some "piece-of-shit" pine.

Here is what I did. Went to Oak Harbor, bought 8 picture frames, all the same, in painted wood (most definitely pine, unless there is a cheaper soft wood). Squeezed some Elmers and nailed a small tack into the broken frame. Slapped the photos into the new frames, nailed some holes, some were a little off, re-nailed, and Voila! My pictures we up and hanging in the time my adoring husband would still be unravelling that extra speaker wire in the garage. I did it while he was at work, because he NEVER would have been able to endure watching me MOVE A NAIL over half an inch, even though the hole would be covered by the picture. The moment he reads this I bet he'll rush home and inspect the walls behind the pictures.

I have some coat hooks I bought two weeks ago that are still waiting for M's special hardware before they get hung. God knows a 3-year-old's coat is SO heavy it would probably pull the hardware THAT CAME WITH THE HOOKS right out of the wall.

VIVA LA HANDYWOMAN!