Dumbass

Last night I was still battling the chills, so I found an old heating pad. And when I say old, I remember using said heating pad as a little girl. Do they even make heating pads anymore? Probably not, because they're DANGEROUS for stupid people like me. I laid it across my stomach and set it to high. Ahhhh. Blissful warmth. I kept it on there for a good long time, too, but I turned it off before I went to sleep, because I'm no dummy! I wouldn't want to burn myself.

This morning I woke up and my stomach hurt. A lot. Damn, I thought to myself, am I ever going to shake this bug? I got ready for my shower and glanced in the mirror. Hole. Eeee. Crap. Such an angry shade of red all over my lovely, squishy mid-section. I would post a picture, but then not only the proof of my idiocy would be there, but worse, the horrors of bearing four children would make you lose your breakfast. How on earth am I going to roll my stomach up to stuff it in my jeans today?